I remember when I finally found the ONE cervical cancer blog on the Internet when I was diagnosed. It’d been five years since she was diagnosed, so her posts went from everyday updates to quarterly updates, to once every six months, to once a year. And I thought, “I wish I knew what her life was like in between those six-month checkups,” and wondered why she didn’t update more often. Now I kind of get it.
I think you reach a point where you just want to get on with your life - not let cancer define you. It was such an upheaval, this all-consuming six months of my life, but now I kinda want to move on. Be regular ol’ Mandy, just with a shorter cervix, no ovaries, and a less-than-stellar memory. Plus,this was my cancer blog, so do I keep it up and not talk about cancer? Make it my personal blog? Or do I let it languish between checkups and start something else, less cancer-related? I’m not sure.
At any rate, my last 3-month checkup was Wednesday. Just a pelvic exam, no pap smear. She’s going to start alternating those. Everything looked great! I put everything out on the table: my ladybizness dryness, recent wooziness/blurry vision/nausea. I don’t reeeeeally like having to explain to the new resident (we have a new one EVERY time, who goes over everything with us before we actually see the oncologist) things like WHY those symptoms can’t mean pregnancy. It’s not a big deal, but I find myself thinking ahead to what she’ll explain to the doc and tailoring my info thusly.
The wooziness/blurry vision/nausea concerned her, even though they scanned my head in June. She recommended I see a local doc right away to rule out a sinus infection, as well as an eye doctor just to rule that out. I made a local doc appointment the next day and it turned out I have the flu. I’m supposed to lay off my two staples, booze and sugar (I kid, I kid. I also consider coffee a staple).
For the first time in the year since treatment, I finally acquiesced to hormonal cream. She said it’ll help with the dryness and also possibly my moods. I’d been trying to stick with yoga / meditation for the latter, but I wasn’t doing that either, so I’ve been this shy of miserable for the last 3 months or so.
Nothing big, just a little… down. Off. A bit antisocial. Hermitty, even. I haven’t visited our good friends and their precious baby who was born in AUGUST. I didn’t even respond to any birthday well-wishes on my facebook wall! I’ve been making the weirdest, not-like-me mistakes at work. I can’t remember what toilet paper we like when I’m shopping and the indecision is almost crippling. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
Maybe this ridiculously expensive estrogen cream will help. We shall see! I’ll let you know in February (KIDDING).